Curious George

Terrorism For Dummies

Funny Looking Monkey

Keep Right?

Welcome to Arkansas

Help the Katrina Victims

You can help by sending your tax-deductible donation to the Katrina Victims Health Club Exercise Fund. Their old clubs have been flooded, and they have no place to exercise. This is a national disgrace. Bush is killing these people.

Please Help.

Send your donation.

Bad Hair Day

Old Man

Her hair was blunt cut...

I am looking for a single adult female to destroy the remains of my self worth (easy job, the ex-gf didn't leave much). My ideal woman is female.

About me: I am 27, single, Japanese, annoying, 5'6" and sort of skinny, but I love to not exercise and hope to become a medium sized fatty in my twilight years. I smoke, drink, do a healthy amount of drugs and have yet to be convicted of a felony (give me time though, I'm young).

I have many cheap pickup lines to try out on the (un)fortunate woman of my dreams. Chief among them being "Everyone needs a little Japanese (points to self) in them" and the always unsuccessful "No really, I'm not that drunk."

Hmm.. what else? My friends say my taste in music sucks so I won't even bring that up here. I'm bad at math (they're going to revoke my asian membership soon), my parents don't like me, and I was once a little fascist in shorts (i.e. a boy scout).

As for references, I've been told by many women that I would make an excellent ex-boyfriend and that yes, they would think about sleeping with me if I was the last man on the planet. and there were no sex toys available. or animals.

I shall leave you with a quote from a friend:
"Ladies, boost your self esteem by hanging out with someone obviously inferior."

Cell Phone Drivers

What a Funny Looking Car

To those in other countries though this might actually look normal.

Need answers to the homework?

Hire a teacher's pet.

Paris Hilton and the Ostrich

See any resemblance?

I want to say this is what a blonde chick would do. And thats not being racist, the genetic code for stupidity just happens to be on the same gene as the one that codes for the blonde hair protein.

Pennies

Are we done with the fucking pennies yet?

Because it is time. The American public hasn’t been using them for about a decade. They have become so worthless, that people give them to each other as a matter of routine. Get your change, pick out the pennies, and leave them there for the next guy. Need a penny or two? Well, there should be a few there for you, because the last guy sure as fuck didn’t want his. That’s the game.

I hate when stores don’t want to play by the game. If a store doesn’t have a little tray, I am immediately annoyed. The hell if I’m fishing another dollar out of my pants because it came to $5.02. When that cash register rings up $5.02 and you look at me, we’re fixing to have a long staredown. I’ll return an item before I break another dollar and let you give me three more of the fucking things in return. And that item probably had a profit margin of at least $.03 to you, so who’s the loser now? Get it? As long as they’re still around, you better play by the game.

When there is no tray, my normal routine has become to fish through my change and immediately pick them out and deposit them into the trash. Not only are they worthless, but they are disgusting, and I’m not carrying them around. Most have been in circulation for 20 years, and as the stepchild of your change purse, they have been given no love. They live in ashtrays, parking lots, and huge jars owned by 72 year old men who remember when they were worth something. Old copper is gross enough to start with. Add to the fact that they are covered in gum and shit and filth, and you need to wash your hands every time one touches you.

Think about this: a stamp costs $0.37. 37 pennies weigh 6 ounces. It takes about two stamps to mail 6 ounces of stuff. Therefore, if I wanted to mail someone 37 cents in pennies, it would cost me 74 cents. By my definition, it’s pretty clear cut. When a monetary unit can’t afford to mail itself, it’s worthless. Don’t get all cocky either, nickels…….you aren’t far behind. (I don’t really know how much 37 pennies weigh, that was just a guess. I have a scale in my office, and would find out, but I can’t. I threw out all my fucking pennies. Just trust me though….I’m right on this general principal. I know by instinct that they can’t mail themselves.)

Vending machines won’t even take them. They hired engineers to assure that any penny which entered the slot would be immediately routed straight to the change opening. Think about the engineering involved. Dimes, which are smaller than pennies, go right into the till, but they had to create some sort of mechanism that would sort out and eliminate any penny that enters the machine, lest they get involved with the REAL money that is in there, and gross it all up.

Have you ever tried to give one to a bum? Seriously. I almost got in a fight in San Francisco over the fact that I gave a bum some pennies. The man had no home, was hungry, cold, and hopeless, yet when I gave him a handful of pennies, he tried to spit on me. Fortunately, his lack of front teeth seriously affected his aiming abilities and I easily dodged the saliva-based projectile, but nonetheless.

Isn’t this enough evidence for Alan Greenspan and the Fed to say enough is enough? I now summarize my case:

1. Pennies are considered worthless, even by homeless people
2. Pennies are disgusting
3. Pennies can’t even mail themselves
4. Americans are actually giving them to strangers, like some nationwide game of hot potato
5. Vending machines are even too smart to take them. Their job is to take money, not pennies.

Case Closed. Please, Federal Reserve, I beg you. End the game.

I’m done with the fucking pennies.

Sully

Here's a funny picture of a miserable cat after he had a bath.